“Who delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver: in whom we trust that he will yet deliver us;” 2 Corinthians 1:10 KJV

“How long did it take?” That’s the million-dollar question. It’s the question that I was asked recently after doing a Facebook live session where I shared my journey to wholeness. The story of how God took me from a place of anger and sorrow after receiving my infant son’s rare genetic diagnosis, to a place of joy, peace and wholeness.

Isn’t that always the question? How long will it take to lose the weight, or experience financial freedom, or feel peace in my relationship? Continue reading →

I wrote this post for the 04/13/2020 edition of Special Needs Parents – Key Ministry and wanted to share it with my followers here:

“And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten…” Joel 2:25a

There are a lot of logistical challenges to be found within this “shelter in place” world. Toilet paper is the first that comes to mind, but there are plenty. Having kids home from school for every family I’ve spoken to presents a plethora of challenges. But special needs kids who are home from school and out of their regular routine face more than challenges; they face real, significant loss.

My son Nick has a rare genetic disorder and already in this fairly brief time without school or therapy, he has experienced loss. He has lost some skills and abilities. We have all lost some sleep as the change in routine has caused anxiety to ramp up over these past few weeks. As I contemplated what long-term backsliding would look like and how we would ever be able to make up for the lost time, I remembered a similar story in the Bible.

In Joel, the prophet is telling of a day when the Israelites will soon experience severe loss as the result of a devastating plague! But within the prophecy he instructs them to “Fear not, O land; be glad and rejoice: for the Lord will do great things” (Joel 2:21). The interesting wording a few verses down is what got my attention, and what has become my prayer in this season. God doesn’t say He will restore the crops that were destroyed by the plague of locusts, He says he will “restore to you the years…”

God promises not the natural process of recovery, where the crops start growing again. He promises to restore as if those years hadn’t been lost. That brings me a great promise for my son! God’s Word says that He is able to make it as if this time gap in learning, growing, development, making progress didn’t happen at all. I don’t need to fear that we’ll never get this time back. I can pray and have faith that God will supernaturally restore the years! He’s got this whole thing figured out, and I can take that weight off of my shoulders and put it back at the foot of the cross where He covers it all.

Are we having setbacks right now? Yes! But though my tendency would be to hunker down in my prayers, I am going to level up in my expectations! I will choose to have a bold faith for my son and my family; God will restore this time! We will see His provision and promise, and will be glad and rejoice! 

Be encouraged today that whatever short term loss you might be experiencing, God is able to restore it. Joel 2 finishes with this beautiful promise: “And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions…..And I will shew wonders in the heavens and in the earth…And it shall come to pass that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be delivered” (Joel 2:28, 30 & 32).

This is actually a NEW skill – tolerating something touching his face!

Even after many years as a special needs momma, and having people say the strangest things to me, this question which was posed to me last week really caught me off guard. It wasn’t so much the question, “how can you smile?” but the fact that it was posed by another special needs mom. She wasn’t joking and she wasn’t being dramatic. She was seriously questioning me about something that she perceived as out of the realm of possibility, and her tone indicated that it bothered her.

Actually her question had two parts, the second was much worse than the first and it’s what threw me off.  Continue reading →

It was years ago that I had an encounter with the story of Moses in a remote area of the desert.  At that time I happened to be in a desert myself. Hopeless, fearful, and seemingly abandoned by God.  I was just a couple of years into being the mom of a baby born with a rare genetic disorder, and a more foreign land I cannot imagine.  

The story of the burning bush, and the command from God that issued out of it, completely rocked my world.

“Do not come any closer. Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground” Exodus 3:5

Up until that moment, I had never even considered that there was more than one way to look at a situation.  In my mind there was reality, or nothing. But as I contemplated the fact that in a desert of hundreds of thousands of miles of the same sand, God saw a patch of it as “holy ground” my understanding of perspective was born.

Over the next few years God was able to show me His divine perspective on many areas of my life, but most specifically on my son and his exceptionalities.  One by one, through scripture and teaching, God empowered me to overcome the mountains of fear, disappointment, sorrow, anxiety and hopelessness.  

In my book, Bundle of Joy, I share the wisdom and grace He has provided for overcoming 14 of the most common hurdles that we face in raising kids with special needs.  I will share several of them over the next few months, but today I wanted to give you a few of the nuggets He showed me about Joy.

Did you know there are 214 scriptures that refer to joy! Are you also aware that joy is not happiness. It isn’t a mood or emotion.  It is from the greek word “chara” which means rooted in and flows from God – as all the fruits of the spirit do. Joy is not based on circumstances or emotion, joy is serene and stable.  

My big shift in perspective on joy came when I realized of the 214 occurences of joy in the Bible, the majority are found within negative situations.  As an example, In Nehemiah, he speaks this quotable scripture to a crowd that is weeping!

“The joy of the Lord is your strength.”  Neh. 8:10

In fact, on a search I found not one but multiple scenarios of joy being the fruit that God brings from and through sorrow or mourning (Nehemiah, Jeremiah, Psalms, and John all have this theme).

Here’s the good news for a parent dealing with a negative diagnosis: if you have experienced sorrow or mourning, then you now possess the key ingredient for joy!

My favorite unusual perspective on joy in scripture, is when it is actually the solution to the problem.  For example, in Acts 16 Joy literally broke the chains off the prisoners and opened the jail cells. It doesn’t say “the prison shook open and then they were filled with joy”.  No! That miracle made them super happy. But, while in prison bound in chains, they summoned joy to sing and praise and then they were freed.

Stir up joy, meditate on scriptures (there are 214 to choose from) ask God to awaken the joy that is inside you.  If you’re a believer, it is a fruit that you have access to. Joy dwells within you and it will be your strength.

As I mentioned, Joy is one of the fourteen areas I address in my book, Bundle of Joy.  I will be sharing a summary of my book at the upcoming Illuminate: Inclusion Fusion Live 2020 Conference.  If you would like to register to attend the conference and my workshop, please click here.  And make sure to leave me a comment if I’ll be meeting you there.

For most of us a new year is an automatic time for reflection.  It’s why new year’s resolutions are a thing: we look over the previous year and decide what should be different for the next one.  This particular new year is also a new decade, which is an even more daunting venture into auditing our previous performance and honestly analyzing where we stand. A decade ago for me seems almost unrecognizable.  Many of my special needs mom friends were not such – had no idea about such – only one decade ago.  But although we can point out the stark differences, I also want to take a minute to remember what remains the same. Continue reading →

I’m not sure if this happens with your cell phone, but every so often I get notified that the latest “Update” is available.  Basically my iphone wants me to download a newer version of the iOS. It starts out subtle, but then my phone gets relentless in it’s request to be updated, like a 3-year-old who spies a full cookie jar on the kitchen counter. The issue I have with this update message is that my phone is working fine. I’m a little tech-oblivious (maybe more than a little) and so sometimes the thought of changing my iOS scares me a little.  What if it changes the way my favorite apps work, or my emails send, or my photos are organized?

Recently I ran into a brand-new special needs momma, and she reminded me that an iphone is a great illustration of our lives as special needs parents.  We all have a starting “software” that comes with the diagnosis. We have a certain way of processing the information, organizing our thoughts, communicating with others about our child, our lives and our needs.  We find a pattern that works. The new momma I met was so young and sweet. She tried to tell me her little one’s diagnosis, but she couldn’t quite remember the chromosomes that were affected, or if it was a deletion or an extra piece?   She reminded me of myself 18 years ago, with so many questions and hopes, and although she was being as casual as possible, she was desperately seeking someone to say “Oh yes, I know all about that, and here’s how it turns out in the end.”

I used my initial special needs “iOS” for a lot of years. The initial responses of fear, anxiety, defensiveness, disappointment and anger were my default.  When my pastor’s sermons suggested I “update” my thinking I was sure that didn’t apply to me. It took awhile for me to finally give way to a thought pattern “update” and I’ll tell you, just like the iphone update, it fixed a lot of the “bugs” in my heart and mind.

The Bible calls this the renewal of our minds.  And it tells us it is a daily practice. Just like my iphone, one update is not going to get me through this life.  As soon as I get comfortable with the new font they sent me with the last update, my phone is going to require another update that is probably going to change something else.  

My iphone research showed two schools of thought on the “update or don’t update” question.  There’s one school of thought that tells me not to bother. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.  That goes really well with my personality and keeps me in my comfort zone. This is how I parent my son – it works, leave it alone.  This is how I relate to my spouse – it works, leave it alone. This is how I pray and trust God – it works well enough.

The second school of thought says run every update the company sends you.  This philosophy is based on hidden fixes that you aren’t aware that you need. Most often these fixes address security issues. This is what I propose to you as the most successful way to function as a special needs parent.  We can get comfortable with doing life a certain way. Even though throughout the Bible we are encouraged to keep growing, keep running, and constantly be improving, we don’t always apply that to our parenting or our attitude towards the special needs journey.

The new mom I encountered had a newbie “iOS” and that’s ok for her.  For now. But if you’ve been doing this for a while you should be at a different level.  And should continue to grow, gain strength and hit strides as you go along. We do that by daily renewing our mind.  Being open to hear a new thing, accept a new way and take on a new challenge as we read and hear the word of God.

Where I am today is definitely not where I was yesterday, but neither should it be where I am tomorrow.  Neither spiritually nor naturally. I have to be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit when it comes to everything from how and what I pray for, to how and what I do to help my son.  Let us not grow weary in well-doing and thus grow complacent or stagnant in our walks with Christ and our walks with our children.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 2 Corinthians 4:16 ESV

And to be renewed in the spirit of your minds. Ephesians 4:23 ESV

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Romans 12:2 NIV

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are called according to His purpose. – Romans 8:28

Cash posing for a recent photo shoot in the prison yard

I sat outside of a Federal Prison yard and fought back deep, heavy tears of gratitude. A feeling that I was about to be overwhelmed by a sobbing that comes from a place of awe at God divinely knitting together such an unbelievably beautiful tapestry.

Here we sat, my Nicolas and I, waiting to meet his Service Dog candidates. “what’s that?” He asked, pointing at a triple row of curled barbed wire high atop the fence. More tears to fight off.

Nick has recently encountered some new issues that we haven’t been able to figure out. Meds have failed. Both neurologist and psychologist have provided possible diagnoses, but not solutions. Then one night in desperation we decided to see if our sweet old dog placed in Nick’s bed would help. And it did. From the first night.

The next morning I began my search for a service dog! I found a few all over the country, each with a price tag over $10,000. Sadly even though I felt like a service dog was the answer we’d been looking for, it would require a miracle. I prayed for God to make a way.

Fast forward to today. Here we sit waiting to meet “Cash”. He was at the humane society six weeks ago, on a list to be euthanized when a dog rescue organization picked him out and brought here. To prison.

“Cash” is being trained to be a service dog. By inmates. They are guided by Magic City K9, which simultaneously offers grace, second chances and valuable training to inmates AND dogs.

The words that kept playing in my mind as we drove home from our meet and greet were “he works all things together for good.” Usually for me that scripture is accompanied by a list of all of the challenges, struggles and roadblocks I’ve encountered. I see them being woven together in a mysterious tapestry which will ultimately reveal beauty. But today the “all things” is different – it’s things out of my realm, things I’m completely unaware of and that have nothing to do with me or my world. All these things: the reason a young dog was left on the street and slated for elimination, the reason a man ended up in this particular prison, enrolled in a program where he is matched-up with a k-9 trainee. The reason that man would choose to devote hard work and faithfulness to training his ward for several months, to ultimately send the trainee away to live with an individual he doesn’t know or have any connection to. These things blow me away. I am astounded at what God can use to answer a prayer. I’m always astounded and humbled when he chooses to use me. But honestly I’m even more humbled to consider that the circle of things he can use for my good extends so far beyond my comprehension.

Nicolas decided we should pray for “Cash”. And I’ve added to our prayer list his trainer. I pray that God will honor our words and prayers for the unknown inmate: to bless him, keep him, be revealed to him, and save him. To somehow work together so many things for his good, that he will experience and know that God’s Hand is on him and working through him. If even now while in prison, how much more does God have in store for him? I pray that he will, like us, be forever changed by this experience.

“They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them.” Daniel‬ ‭3:27b ‭NIV‬‬

Until moving to Illinois a few years ago, I had only known fire in tiki-torches, or fireplaces.  I was in my forty’s the first time I sat around an open fire and warmed myself.  My husband and I both loved doing so, and bought our own tiny fire pit. Whenever we got the chance we would sit outside and watch the fire jump and crack. This may sound ridiculous to Northerners, but I had no idea that sitting near a fire deposited a really strong smell on a person. Like, everything you were wearing has to be washed immediately, especially your hair and body! The first few times I sat by the fire I wore my nice wool coat, and subsequently walked around for weeks smelling like roasted wood. Fire has a very distinct odor!

The story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego has always been one of my favorites in the old testament because Continue reading →

Have you heard this song yet??  Michael W. Smith’s war chant turned worship song is sweeping through Christian radio and church services everywhere! If you haven’t yet heard it, click here: Surrounded.

During a recent church service while singing this song, I was reminded that my special-mom journey has been heavily dependent on Worship as Warfare.  There have been, and still are, battles along the road that can’t be figured out in the natural.  Not by me and my husband as Nick’s parents, nor by the plethora of specialists we desperately consult to help provide answers.  They don’t know.  We don’t know.  But Continue reading →

Once you become a special needs mom,  nothing is ever the same.  No matter the unique challenges your child faces, the mere fact that he or she must endure and persevere through difficulties that typical kids will never know, creates a very different kind of momma.  I must admit, I have come to love the sisterhood this provides with other special needs moms all over the world. I have facebook friends in lots of countries, and feel a deep and sincere friendship with women all over the US whom I’ve never met.  We are a tribe all our own. We “get” each other.

Never was I more in love with special needs moms whom I did not know, than on a recent trip to Haiti. Continue reading →

“In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.'” Acts 20:35

“Give and it will be given unto you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Luke 6:38

Nicolas brought home a “Good Deed Tracker” from school and I knew it wasn’t his cup of tea.  Although Nick is an exceptionally kind-hearted and generous person, I knew he would not be willing to perform any of the deeds specified on the list – they all had to do with giving.  Among the deeds were: donate clothing that you no longer wear to charity, Donate unwanted toys to others, color/draw a picture to give someone else, etc.

If we’re going to visit someone, Nick will beg me to stop and buy them flowers, or gifts, and always loves to help others.  But he cannot abide when anything that is ours, is taken out of our home or given to someone else.  A few years ago his OT, Jessie, worked with him at home each week.  I always offered her a bottle of water, which she usually drank or took with her.  Every week, without fail, Nick would ask for the water back.  It was ours, not hers.  He needed our water back where it belonged. He loved Jessie dearly, but our water is our water.

I had recently done a closet-clean-out in his bedroom, and had the pile of clothes laying in the hallway.  He had been suspicious of the clothes not being in his closet, but I had given him non-answers when he asked why they were there. (one of my favorite mom tricks). But I decided that the “Good Deed Tracker” would be my strategy.  Because he also loves to please his teachers and would want to accomplish the goals they sent home.  I showed him how those clothes don’t fit anymore, we filled two garbage bags and we put them in the car.  I explained at length about charity, and how other boys could wear the clothes. He was on board until we arrived in the Goodwill parking lot and I handed him one of the bags to carry.  Insisting “no, no, no MY clothes” all the way to the door, we placed the bags in the receptacle and I read him all the posters around the Goodwill lobby.  For example, one poster read “thank you for giving me a job” with a picture of a smiling young man with Down syndrome.  I saw Nick pondering the process.  At that moment, the supervisor came out from the back.  She somehow knew precisely what was happening and jumped right in.  “I wanted to meet you personally!” she said to Nick.  “Thank you for doing such a good job of sharing your things.” She asked his name, gave him a high-five, and told him he was doing something very important and helpful.

Well, long story short, we now have a Donation Expert in our home.  He is so very proud of himself, he told the therapist we saw yesterday, told dad all about it at dinner and is ready to go back to Goodwill tomorrow with more things.

My point is not to brag on my charitable son, or even about overcoming the issue of his need to keep his stuff.  It is about the inner desire that every person has to do something nice for others.  It is about the pride we all take when we help someone, and the good feeling that comes along with it.  Sometimes we forget that our special kids have the same inner workings that we do, because they don’t express it, and quite frankly they have much more pressing and important needs that we feel we should prioritize.  Our kids and ourselves are often more on the receiving end of someone’s charity and kindness.  But the Bible says it is better to give, than to receive.  It doesn’t qualify that, doesn’t say it’s only for people who can give, or understand giving, or want to give.  It’s simply a principle that applies to all.

Nick has received many wonderful blessings, VIP treatment, and generosity from others. He is truly blessed.  But I have been a bit neglectful of providing him the opportunity for something better than receiving all those blessings: the opportunity to GIVE.

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed-or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” NIV Luke 10:41-42

“Martha, Martha,” thou art careful and troubled about many things; But one thing is needful; and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” KJV

Goodness knows you could slip my name, “Melanie, Melanie…” into that sentence on a regular basis.  As a special needs momma, I often justify and rationalize my being troubled as part of the job description. My son is almost 18, and there are lots of things I used to be troubled about, that I now take in stride.  I’ve learned to give a lot to God, and trust His divine workings in my life and my son’s.  But there are new concerns on every horizon.  A new year brings new worries. New phases and stages always mean new troubles.

But this new year I am reminded of the loving re-direction that Jesus provided to Martha.  He answered all her “many things” with one simple solution. One thing is needful, “indeed only one” is the way the NIV puts it.  Hold on a second, Jesus, I’ve got a multi-page, single-spaced list of all the things that are needful. But if I review that list, and the root of each of those worries, I would have to admit that setting it aside and sitting at the feet of Jesus, would address every single one.

In his presence I renew my peace of mind, my strength of spirit, and my clarity of thought.  All of the challenges I currently face will be greatly aided by those benefits.  Whether they are negative thoughts, or actual to-do items that have me struggling, His presence re-sets me to a place where I am more equipped and more confident in moving forward.  I can testify that starting a morning sitting at his feet, directs my physical steps on a much more effective pathway throughout the day.  If you can, take a moment to read the whole story of Martha’s situation beginning in Luke 10:38.

A prayer for today: Thank you Lord, that you promise me new mercies every morning. Please help me to take the time to collect them and apply them to my life.  Your presence is the extra boost I need, to stop being busy and streamline my day. I know that if I walk out the steps you have ordered for me, I will walk in grace and empowerment.  Lord remind me that your presence is where I should go to receive your direction and your strength. 

What do you think?  Today’s post is a much shorter format than my normal style?  For 2018 I have decided to go with shorter, quicker reads for you.  Let me know what you think! If you’re wondering about the book in the photo, our entire church is currently reading Reset by Bob Sorge, who is one of my favorite authors and speakers. 

Jesus cut through all their misinformation and false beliefs in an instant. And His words can cut through any doubts or questions we may still have today. “WHY?” Is not an ancient question, nor one asked only by the uneducated minds of a third-world country. We ask, in our hearts, all the time. We encounter family members, church members, and people at large who ask the same question. Maybe not out loud, or by making bold accusations, but the question is asked in hearts, all the time.

“…but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.” Jesus completely avoids the conversation about cause. He goes straight to the purpose behind it. One might read the story and say, “Sure. So that he could be standing there and be healed by Jesus, so miracles could be seen.” But then what about my son? As of this day, my child has not been healed. So then, where are the works of God? I did a search on that term “works of God” and found every instance in the Bible where it was used. Do you know it was never used of miracles or physical healing? In the Old Testament it was used to label creation. And in the New Testament — every single time — it referred to salvation.

Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.” John 6:29 (NIV)

A prayer for today: Lord, I have so many questions and things I don’t understand. Help me, today, to shift my focus on the answers that you ARE providing. There is a clear path you have designed for us, and I need your help walking it out. Give me the confidence to follow where you lead, and the boldness to know that you have a divine plans for your works to be made manifest in my child’s life.