It’s All About ME

Anybody else have one of those friends who, no matter what you start the conversation with, whether a problem, or good news, or a current event  –  it always ends up being about her?  You could call and say “my grandma just died” and within 4 minutes you’d be hearing a story about how hard it was for her when her grandma died.   You run into her at church and when you mention that you want her to come see your new car, she ends up boring you with stories of her own car search.  She can neither celebrate or comfort you, because it’s all about her!  Not much of a friend at all, so I am wary to say to you today: My blog is all about ME!

There is currently a huge backlash in the blogging/social media world against moms who post about their children with special needs. Really mean accusations are flying at moms who chronicle their child’s struggles, or disclose challenges their child faces.  The accusers point out that revealing private information about one’s child, without the child’s explicit permission, is abusive and simply for the purpose of the parent’s own self-promotion.  So again I point out: this post, my blog, all my writing and public speaking are about ME!

Why? Why would I dare be the girl who wants to talk about me? Why would I make myself the center of my discourse? The answer is found in the book of Revelation:

And they overcame and conquered (the one who accuses them) because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony. – Revelation 12:11

the Bible tells us that the sacrifice Jesus made for us, combined with the word of our testimony, is the key to overcoming.  Therefore, I must write about my journey.  I must speak to others about the challenges I face and how the Lord has rescued me from them.  How His grace has supplied all my needs, and calmed all my fears.  I’m not writing for pity, for excuses, or even to entertain.  I want you to know that I put words to paper (well, to screen) so that one other mom might know that there is hope, peace, joy and salvation.

For this reason, you will soon see promotions for my upcoming book! Yep! Congratulations, you’re the first to know.  The book is already through the final stages of editing and shortly will be published and available for purchase or download.  Will you read some details about my son’s diagnosis and struggles? Yes you will.  But be certain the book is not about him.  Being a special needs mom, you see, is not about the special needs child.  It may feel like it, or look like it, but it isn’t.  It is about the mom.  She is the special one I am targeting.  She is the one with whom I desire to share the “word of my testimony” and whose own testimony will, one day, touch others.  So please stay tuned, make sure you “like” my Facebook page, and most of all, be encouraged by my testimony to know that you can overcome.

My impression of a bathroom “selfie” LOL

 

Special Momma, the Choice Is Yours

When you receive a diagnosis for your child it is usually in the form of medical reports.  The full Doctor’s report gets sent home with you, along with plenty of supporting documentation.  In our case, the geneticist sent us home with medical journal reports that outlined all of the possible (terrible) characteristics or symptoms that would accompany our son’s genetic anomaly.  He was just an infant, but the reports painted a bleak outlook for his future.

Our choice that day, and every day since for the past sixteen years, was:  upon  which report would we base our lives.  We could treat this infant as if he were already a disabled person, who would be defined by the limits and difficulties described in the reports.  Or, we could believe the report in Psalms 127 that says children are an inheritance of the Lord.  And the report in Psalms 139 that says that He has knit us together in our mother’s womb and we are fearfully and wonderfully made – all of us.

I’m not talking about being delusional, or living in a state of denial.  We are aware of the challenges that our little guy faced, and still faces.  But we have taken our example from the book of Numbers, when Moses sent out twelve spies to report on the land the God had promised them. Ten of them came back with a really negative report about the challenges to be faced.  But two of the spies saw beyond challenges.  All twelve agreed it was a land better than any they had seen before with wonderful fruit.  But only two spies understood that all the blessings and treasures were completely worth the price of a few obstacles.  Further, they insisted, the Lord would surely help them overcome.  Unfortunately the masses went with the ten spies, fearing the battle that would be required for such a wonderful prize.

So we base our lives on God’s promises – His report.  Just as in the example of the Israelite spies, the prize has certainly been worth the battles.  Yes, battles there have been aplenty.  But the reward, the treasure, and the promised land are exactly as reported!  Our son may have similarities to the original medical reports, but if I’m being honest he is much more accurately described by those Psalms.   It’s a choice we make every day, and in the face of every set back and situation.  You are just one choice away from a really good report! Won’t that be nice for a change?

melaniegomez3

Special Priviledge

I would like to confess to you a recent realization: I am the product of Special Needs Privilege.  You’ve heard all kinds of privileges being thrown around as accusations lately, but this one is probably not at the top of the list.  However, I’m now fully aware that such a thing exists, and I’m one of its victims.   Continue reading

Just Keep Swimming

You know that scene in Finding Nemo where Dory and Marlin are swimming  deep into a bottomless, dark cavern?  Marlin, Nemo’s Dad,  has no idea where they’re going or what will happen next, yet his friend Dory is happily singing “Just Keep Swimming!”  The two of them together sum up my special mom split-personality perfectly.  Some days I am overwhelmed by changes, unsure of where I’m going and what will happen next.  But other days, when I’m at my best, I can happily sing to myself, “just keep swimming!”

This past month has been chock full of changes: Continue reading

when i’m 50….

I’m thinking about my age, as you can see from today’s title.   Since it’s my birthday, my actual, chronological age cannot be avoided or denied.  I’m 48. (This post was recently revised, on my 49th!)  But I must admit that most of the time I live my life feeling like I’m somewhere in my late 30’s (anyone else?)  I honestly forget that I’m “pushing” the big Five-Oh! Over the past few months, however, the impending half-century mark has been on my mind. A lot. Continue reading

The (awkward) Mother’s Day Spotlight

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13

Mother’s Day is upon us!!!  As a mom, it’s MY holiday.  “Mom” is probably the deepest, most powerful identity that you could find buried inside of me.  Giving birth to my children changed me in powerful, miraculous ways and that label is branded on my heart forever: “mom.” Continue reading

Running or Just Running Around?

“I run in the path of your commands, for you have broadened my understanding” Psalm 119:32 NIV

if there’s a one word description of my daily/weekly life, it’s running. Now before you get the wrong impression, let me make clear I am NOT a “runner”. I don’t lace up running shoes and head out with my headphones and bouncy ponytail – I see those women all over town and admire/envy them – they’re adorable. I’m talking about running around. Racing from one thought to the next, multi -tasking at light speed between multiple coinciding responsibilities, and our car keeping these winter roads hot between therapy appointments, story time, group activities, meetings, etc.  Most moms I know are this kind of runner. Special needs moms just replace the usual running to soccer practice or ballet with doctors, therapies, medications, behavior crisis, etc. Continue reading

It’s Time to get over your Perfectionism

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “You are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed – or indeed only one.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”Luke 10:41-42

pickle jar

 

The jar of pickles in this picture reminded me of the most important lesson that this perfectionist-natured person has ever learned.  Perfect is over-rated.  Not only is perfect over-rated, but I’ve truly learned that when life is perfect, you miss out on all the best stuff. Continue reading

Santa Claus Forever! (revised re-post)

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Hear me out.  I know that the holidays seem loaded with landmines for special kids.  They bring questions, uncertainties, health or emotional crises, party/travel/gift anxieties, or even uncomfortable interactions with well-intentioned family members. I’ve been there, friend, my special guy is about to experience all the highs and lows of his sixteenth Christmas.   Continue reading

When being a joyful mom doesn’t make sense

Here I sit, in the Easter Seals lobby.  Extra large Miami Dolphins coffee mug in hand, laptop in front of me, headphones on with Israel & Newbreed’s latest song “My Strength” blasting in my head phones.

“You’re the joy no one can take away, You’re the peace inside I can’t explain! You’re the strength I need, you will always be my strength!”

I will admit to you that I am openly dancing in my seat!  Honestly, these people are lucky I have enough self-control to not be clapping or, worse, singing along. So much joy right now.

I am not in a party environment. The joy level here is zero.  The parent/guardian/caregiver faces are not celebratory.  The whispered conversations seem foreboding.  I wonder if the passer-bys think maybe my coffee mug has a little whiskey in it for good measure. Continue reading

The Striking Similarity between Special Needs moms and a Queen

Life as a special needs mom is about as far away from Royalty as you can get! Remarkably, however, I have found great wisdom within Esther’s pages.  How on earth could I identify with a queen?  Well, first of all, Esther wasn’t born a queen.  She started out as a regular girl with a less than glamorous, even less than average, life.  Then, she kept running into extremely unlikely circumstances.  Every step of her journey was completely atypical for someone like her.  (sounds more familiar now, right?) Yet God designed each of those steps specifically for a great purpose she could have never fathomed. Continue reading

Perfect Timing (one-year anniversary post!)

One year ago today I hit “publish” on my first blog post.  As soon as I did, something occurred which could never be un-done.  I stepped into a new landscape which I had contemplated for several years.  I had delayed that moment for so long, because I had not found the perfect timing for it….and I still haven’t.

In honor of the anniversary of making that giant leap, today’s post is about one of the great myths of our generation: Perfect Timing.  So many of my friends are currently struggling with the pull or desire to do something or change something, but the perfect timing just won’t present itself.  Anyone, in any season of life, can succumb to this vicious cycle, but the special needs mom is perhaps most prone to be defeated by the “I wish I could, but I can’t right now” thought process. Continue reading

Courage to Keep Up the Daily Grind

Each and every post I write has the same foundation: Redefining the word Special.  Seeing that “Special” really is special has changed my life, and has helped me see many other things with a completely new perspective as well.  Today I’m talking about redefining, or at least expanding our definition of  COURAGE.

“Be strong and courageous” – How many times have I heard sermons or teachings on these four words from the Bible?  We recently spent an entire month teaching this theme to our Elementary kids sunday school class.  This is one of the overarching messages in the Old Testament for the people of God.  Joshua received this emphatic commission before embarking on his epic adventures.  King Hezekiah used it in his speech delivered to the people of Jerusalem on the eve of invasion by the Assyrians. But only recently did I discover this instance:

“Then David continued, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Dont be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God is with you.  He will not fail you or forsake you. He will see to it that all the work related to the Temple of the Lord is finished correctly.” 1 Chronicles 28:20

Continue reading

Who’s in Charge?

“Jesus take the wheel” by Carrie Underwood is playing on an endless loop in my head as I contemplate this post (and now it’s stuck in your head too. You’re welcome).  Although it’s a sappy country song, I adore her voice, and I love that chorus. What better response to out-of-control situations in our life? Whenever I feel like I’m in a tailspin, whirlwind or just plain mess, I probably can look down and realize that I’ve totally lost control.  Spending a few days this week at a large gathering of special needs families, I was reminded very clearly about the importance of who is in charge. Continue reading

The “M” Word

As you may know by now, I frequently contribute blog posts to a site called TheMighty.com.  It’s a cool site designed to form a community of individuals with special needs or disabilities where acceptance and understanding take place, and stigma is erased.

They send out a monthly request for stories, with specific topics or assignments.  Recently the topic was “Marriage and Special Needs”.  I immediately began formulating my response to this request – I am, after all, married.  Sounded like a slam-dunk project.

As I wrote, I kept adding more and more disclaimers, apologies, and caveats to the piece.  Among my personal friends who are special moms, several are divorced.  I have witnessed their struggle, their hard work, their perseverence, and their anguish over every challenging decision.  They were so forefront in my mind as I wrote, I was almost ready to cancel the whole thing.  I would never ever want those lovely ladies to think that I was somehow judging their provision for their child as less-than.

But then, it struck me.  I was apologizing for being married.  I was bending over backwards to disqualify my marital status.  And that won’t do.  My BFFs know I love them, and love their parenting, whether single or married, so I pulled out all the apologies,  wrote the article and hit “send” before I could re-read it and change my mind.  Continue reading

The OTHER Special One

My heart today is overflowing with gratitude for God’s gift to me of the most special boy. I can’t even describe to you the stark difference between who I was before he came into my life, and who I am now.  The world would call him my “typical” son.  Oh – that is so mistaken! Continue reading

B(e) Positive

Ever since I was a little girl, I was just a naturally glass-half-full kinda person.  Even the blood coursing through my veins is like a genetically programmed motto:  “B Positive!”  I’m not sure why.  Maybe it’s the way I was raised.  It might be because I learned about Jesus when I was very little and just always trusted that verse that says If He is for me, who can be against me?  Whatever the reason, being a naturally positive person has been a blessing in my life.  I certainly know my share of glass-half-empty people.  Inside or outside of Jesus relationships, there are just those people who see the glass as half-empty, smudged, out of style, etc.

Whichever you are today, you can switch to my blood type (figuratively speaking) by simply choosing to do so. Continue reading

Going in Circles….On Purpose

I think all of my posts thus far have contained one constant theme: a New Perspective. If you’re new to my blog, take a few minutes to scan through the archived posts and you’ll see the exact same theme a bunch of different ways 🙂 So perhaps I’ve led you to expect that once this lightbulb turns on and you are able to experience a different perspective all will be rosy.  Unfortunately, seeing with a new perspective is not like surgically replacing your eyes with new ones, it’s not even like wearing new glasses.  You don’t just acquire new perspective and the old is gone, never to return.  It is much more like any new (difficult) skill that must be practiced continually, using muscles in new and awkward ways.  It is the continuous “renewing of the mind” to which we are encouraged in Romans 12:2. Continue reading

Be Un-Special

This will be a really busy week for me.  Not stressful or hectic, but definitely busy.   As I reflect over all the things I’m currently doing, planning, preparing or arranging, it reminds me how Un-Special I’m being. And that makes me really happy!

Sometimes being a special needs mom can become more than just a hat that I wear, but a label that is branded on my heart.  In the past, that label has caused me to feel like an alien walking on a planet of unfamiliar creatures.  Because my situation is unique, and one that most other people around me can’t even imagine, I am prone to believe I am completely unlike anyone else.  That can be dangerous. Continue reading

The Fortress Around my Heart

The most dangerous place I ever found myself, was inside the strong fortress that I had built.   Early on in my journey, I began fortifying my defenses, brick by brick. If I couldn’t feel anything, it couldn’t hurt me.  Of course I didn’t set out to build a fortress, I was just being practical and realistic (two of my “strengths” that often drive others crazy!)

I recently spoke with a mom who is right there, inside that fortress, and I peered over the walls and saw the tears that were perpetually right behind her eyes, and I suddenly remembered all those feelings myself – and wanted to make sure I sound a loud alarm to you all: Tear down the wall! Continue reading