Sometimes I’d like to tell you a lot more stuff. Today I daydreamed about sharing some nitty-gritty details from the trenches. I’m sure you’ve come across those groups, pages and sites where other special needs moms tell their horror stories. The challenges, difficulties,and strains of parenting their child and the wear and tear of it all. Sometimes I think about posting on those outlets for the WIN. I’ve got some doozies!  Whenever I walk through a really rough day, and face issues that are not what “normal” people face, there is a part of me (hint: the Bible calls it my “flesh”) that really wants to write one of those pity party posts. It would feed my pride, my competitive nature and my sense of community a lot to share our most recent Bad Day. Continue reading →

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10 NIV

I’ve been a mom for over 20 years. It may seem like forever to my friends with babies and toddlers, and to others of you I may still be a rookie. But I can tell you it’s long enough to have forgotten a lot about motherhood! This past Christmas, my guys gave me the sweetest gift I’ve ever received – they had all our VHS home movies translated to digital files. I am slightly obsessed with watching them, can’t even lie about it. I am particularly fascinated by young me and my two babies, and how none of us are what I remember at all. One of my favorites is a moment I have no recollection of. There was a birthday cake made of Rice Krispies with a lit candle in the middle. I was trying to video the boys singing happy birthday so I could send it to their grandma. But while creating this lovely movie, my 2.5 year old grabs the candle with his fist. He begins to cry, I inexplicably keep on filming, and then when I tell his 5 year older brother that he must continue the birthday song without the candle, he storms off in anger. I promise you, if I wasn’t watching the video I would swear in court that those events never occurred. I can’t get over the discrepancies in my mind’s eye and the actual video footage of that period of time. But the videos don’t lie. My memory replays it all with rose-colored glasses, but the videos show how raw and imperfect much of it actually was.

One thing I do remember, and is confirmed and evidenced in my young, wrinkle-less face on video, is how completely hopeless I often felt when my youngest was a baby and toddler. After receiving the diagnosis of a rare genetic disorder when he was just six months old, I spent all of his early years a worried, nervous wreck. I took him to every therapy and intervention program I could find and was constantly trying to push him to develop and progress. There are lots of videos of me trying to teach him words, years before he could speak. I have video of his very first steps, at age 2, which was earlier than doctors expected, but 14 months later than his brother.

The more I have watched all of the precious videos, I’ve realized something that makes me so mad. The devil is a liar! You see, while I was worrying through all of Nick’s developmental years, I missed out on the miraculous that was right in front of my eyes. I watch now, young me repeating words to 4-year-old Nick and he’s babbling back at me, and it is beautiful. It’s indescribable how perfect he was. He was different, and that’s all I saw back then. I was painfully aware of what he was not doing. But 20 years later, I wish that young Melanie had just lingered a bit more on what he was doing, the perfection within his differences.

My focus was on the lack, because the devil is a liar! He lies to all of us. He lied to me. He told me to worry. Every time I encountered a typically-developing child around Nick’s same age, the devil ramped up the lies in my head. He told me “less than” while the truth was “perfectly made”. The devil told me to focus on the fact that he couldn’t speak, but I should have been focused on his sweet facial expressions, his eyes and smile that could light up a room. The Bible tells us that the enemy seeks to steal, kill and destroy. And I’m gonna tell you, he stole a lot of sweet moments from me by whispering lies in my mind.

Let my story encourage you, young momma, to stop believing the lies! Take it from me, whatever the devil has you focused on, is not the truth. Whatever whispers you hear at night that keep you up, and spill tears on your pillow, are not from your heavenly Father. There is a truth that is right in front of you, of prosperity and blessings, that the enemy does not want you to see. I know you could give me a lot of “but”s right here: but his diagnosis, but her heart, but the seizures, but my husband. Listen, there is a truth, above all those “but”s, and that is what I want you to look for today. The facts are the facts, but the promise of God to give good and perfect gifts is what supercedes them all. Take a moment, to view your whole situation from the future, look back at yourself and find what is beautiful now, and focus on that. Give thanks for that, and watch how the lies become silent as you praise God for His blessings.

(https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fredefinespecial%2Fvideos%2F1149924425144190%2F&show_text=0&width=560” target=”_blank” rel=”noopener”>click here to see a one minute video of four-year-old Nick, before he could speak, communicating so beautifully and perfectly. This will open a window to my facebook page)

here is photographic proof: the happiest, most joy-filled gift imaginable.

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit

in your inner being.

—‬Ephesians‬ 3‬:16‬ (NIV)‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

Probably the one thing that I have lacked most often during my life as a special mom is strength. You wouldn’t know it, because I have a strong demeanor. I typically appear unshaken by what the world throws at me and unmoved by disappointment or setbacks.

I’m not a basket case or a bundle of nerves. But there have been so many days since my baby’s diagnosis when I have felt very weak. Seventeen years later, I can tell you that just this week after a failed dental visit, my “inner being” became a deflated balloon.

In Ephesians 3, Paul is not referring to physical strength. He is encouraging his friends to have the strength to remain in Christ. This is the strength and power to comprehend and then faithfully remember the depth of Christ’s love for us. That is the supernatural power that is required when we are weak on the inside. The apostle writes of something that often goes unmentioned and unacknowledged. There is a great depth of weakness that can occur on the inside, while the outside keeps up appearances. There are times when it feels like keeping our faith intact is too hard. Carrying on as if there is a good God who is looking down on me lovingly, watching over me, and blessing me…sometimes I feel as though I may not have the fortitude it takes to keep that up. That’s OK. It’s the reason for Paul’s prayer for the Ephesians. Thank God we have this letter so that we know we are not alone; our generation is not the first to deal with such weakness. Ephesians 3:16 is what we have as a help so that we can buck up and regain the strength we need. This promise is what I can read every single morning and know that if I simply close my eyes and ask for strength and power, the Lord will renew and refresh me. I have found supernatural strength in the midst of the darkest moments, not on my own, but by recalling this one promise.

Feelings of weakness and defeat are things that will definitely come calling over and over. Issues with my 6 foot tall sweet teenage son are no less likely to surprise or challenge my resolve than they were at the start.  However, those feelings of weakness and defeat are easier to overcome, each time, the sooner I remember that I have a promise of strength and power for my inner being.  God’s glorious riches are more than enough fuel for my spirit, and they are available to me at all times.

Are your emotions convincing you of a different story? Read Ephesians 3:16–19

aloud to yourself. Tell your emotions they don’t get the final say; rather, God’s

Spirit in your inner being will be in charge of your mind and heart today. That is the

place where, when all else is weak, you have glorious riches of strength. Tap into that

strength and find the power you require.

Originally written for Key Ministry.  Click here to read the post on their website.

I would like to confess to you a recent realization: I am the product of Special Needs Privilege.  You’ve heard all kinds of privileges being thrown around as accusations lately, but this one is probably not at the top of the list.  However, I’m now fully aware that such a thing exists, and I’m one of its victims.   Continue reading →